Many people experience a common social problem: they do not know exactly how to make friends and arrange their social life.
There are several reasons why you may find yourself in this situation.
- You have moved to a new city, and so far your circle of acquaintances is very narrow.
- You have been in a relationship with a girl for a long time and allowed your social life to go blank.
- Your old friends left your life naturally (switched to a new job, became busy with their family, etc.), but you did not find a replacement for them.
- A significant part of your environment did not become overnight, as did many who graduated from an educational institution and stopped living in the city of study.
- You feel that your personal level has become much higher than the level of your current friends, and you want to “upgrade” your environment.
- Previously, it was enough for you to have one friend, but now you are determined to expand your circle of friends.
- You never knew how to make friends, and you always wanted to improve your social life.
- Significant changes have taken place in your life, for example, you have decided not to drink alcohol anymore, and you need to change your environment, because once people close to your interests no longer suit you.
How to find friends.
Step 1. Identify the Group of Friends.
To expand your circle of friends, you first need to identify possible candidates. There are two main ways to do this.
Identify your current contacts.
This does not apply to you if you have just moved to a new area in which you do not know anyone.
As a rule, you already have a certain level of social connections.
You don’t have to go out and meet ten strangers. It is often easier to turn existing contacts of unfamiliar people into full friends than to involve completely new faces in your life.
Most likely in your environment, there are already several people you know that can become a closer part of your new social circle.
These are people like:
- Friends you encounter every day, for example, on your way to work, shopping, etc.
- Your colleagues or fellow students with whom you managed to establish contact.
- Friends of friends you have met before.
- The initiators of friendship with you, whose proposal you once reacted indifferently.
- People with whom you often meet, but so far you have been separated by a social distance.
- Friends with whom you once lost contact, but you are able to put everything back on track.
- Acquaintances with whom you have not previously communicated due to a significant age difference.
Meet new people.
Enhanced development of your current social ties can be a fairly long process.
But sometimes you are at that point in your life when you need to meet completely new people.
For many people, a significant barrier to expanding their social circle is the lack of direct access to potential new friends.
The most obvious sources of making new contacts are:
- Visiting various interest communities where you will surely meet many people who already have something in common with you. It is best if the community’s activities are related to communication. This also includes visiting various courses, training, lectures, reading rooms, sports sections, dance schools, etc.
- Meet people through your school or work. By observing the same people every day, you can gradually get to know them better without falling under social pressure.
- Develop relationships with your friends’ friends.
Meeting new people will surely require additional efforts from you so that you can break out of everyday life.
The most effective way to find friends is to lead a full, interesting, eventful life, a side effect of which will be the intersection of your life path with a lot of new people.
When new people begin to appear near you, you should start communication with them and try to get to know them better.
Not everyone with whom you enter into communication will become your friends, but involving enough people in your circle of contacts will allow you to establish friendly relations with some of them.
Anyway, why should you try to be friends with everyone?
Use the Formula to Make Friends.
1. The environment brings you together.
It’s easier to find friends among the people you meet at the school, at work, or in any community of interest. It is like a context that allows you to start a friendship.
That is why you cannot just meet a person by walking up to him on the street. You need a context that unites you.
2. Suitable situation.
This means that you and the other person have time, energy and the desire to invest in a new friendship.
It also means that you both have the opportunity to develop friendships. If one of you plans to move to another city, what’s the point of trying to develop your friendship?
3. Successful first communication.
Your first conversation is very important because it determines the level of comfort and trust, allowing you to establish that each of you can be a pleasant company for the other.
It also performs other functions, such as relaxing, having fun and creating mutual understanding.
4. You must be sociable and responsive.
To make friends, you should keep up the conversation and show interest in the person you are talking to and on the topics discussed.
If any of you gives mean answers and has little interest in other people’s opinions, behavior and mood, then you will not have a solid foundation for developing a friendship.
5. Common features with another person.
One of the most important prerequisites for making friends is the presence of common interests and similarities of opinions, hobbies, habits, or occupations.
The more in common you find with another person, the easier it will be for you to establish friendships with him.
6. Basic trust in each other.
This means that you and the other person you met are involved in the process of disclosing personal information to each other.
You start with very neutral personal information and then go deeper as the level of trust grows.
Step 2. Invite true friends to do something together.
As soon as you meet people you are interested in talking to, invite them to see each other again outside of your place of dating. This is the most important step you should take to make friends.
You can meet a huge number of people, but if you do not take any action to develop an acquaintance, these people will remain just temporary passengers on the train of your life.
This seems obvious, but lonely people often fall into a similar trap.
Perhaps someone constantly tells them funny stories at work or starts a conversation at the university, but they do not take steps to offer to meet in a different environment and develop communication.
At first, it will be unusual to try to take the initiative, because there is always the possibility of receiving failures, but it is quite easy to get used to them.
Depending on the conditions of acquaintance, you can quickly start transferring new people to the status of friends, or you will have to wait a while, for example, a few weeks
Make a habit of exchanging contacts.
Sharing contacts with people is a very good habit.
You can meet an interesting person, but you will never know when you see him next time.
So exchange phone numbers or become friends on social networks.
Thus, if the opportunity arises or the need to get together, you can easily contact them.
In addition, if your new acquaintances have your contact information, they, in turn, will also be able to invite you to some event.
Do not reject offers.
Of course, your own plans are of great importance, but if someone suggests spending time with you, try to accept the offer.
This does not mean that you need to constantly agree. For example, if the .proposed activity is outside the zone of your comfort, or you have an exam on the scheduled day, in which case your refusal will become completely appropriate.
However, if you are only a little unsure, better agree. Why give up the opportunity to get out of the house with a company of people?
When you have more friends and various competing options, you can become more picky.
If you are a more shy or lonely person, you tend to draw conclusions that the meeting will not be so fun, and you should not go.
Try to drive away these thoughts and get out anyway. You are often not sure how pleasant something can be until you see it with your own eyes.
Sometimes you will have to inconvenience yourself for the sake of your social life.
You may be invited to an uninteresting movie, or someone may call you to meet on Friday night when you are going to bed.
You often have to compromise, but the prospect of a rich social life is worth these minor inconveniences.
You should also consider this. Many people will stop inviting you if you constantly refuse.
Your friends may have nothing against you, but the next time an event is scheduled, the thought arises: “He always refuses my invitations, so there is no point in calling him this time.”
Step 3. Maintain and develop friendships.
It’s not so difficult to chat with someone once in a lifetime or do it from time to time.
Nevertheless, in order to establish closer friendships, you need to maintain constant communication, spend time together, share emotions and get to know each other at a deeper level.
You will not be able to find a friend in each person, but over time you will be able to build close relationships with some people.
When you find friends, rely on them to expand your social circle.
Once you have one or two friends, consider that you have laid the foundation for expanding your social ties.
If you are not very sociable in nature, one or two good friends can be all that you need to be completely satisfied with the community around you.
But sooner or later you will meet your friend’s friends with whom you can also establish friendships.
Thanks to friends, it will be easier for you to meet completely new people because together with your company you will be able to attend various events and expand the circle of your friends.
Step 4. Be Respectful Behave correctly with friends.
Be positive and don’t sow negative.
Although it is natural to share your problems, if you constantly complain and generally have a negative attitude towards others and to life in general, then people will get tired of your whining and negativity.
Everyone has enough problems in life, and no one needs additional tons of unpleasant experiences that you decided to bestow on others.
Nevertheless, a good friend will always listen to you when you need it, so do not accept the voiced information as “never complain to anyone”.
Learn to enjoy life, be full of energy and share more positive emotions.
Become an attentive listener.
Make no mistake when you consciously turn communication into your solo performance.
If your interlocutor wants to speak out, be sure to listen carefully to him.
Do interesting things.
If you are excited about life, have interesting hobbies, improve, create, research, get new experiences, meet new people, you can become a magnet for others, and your life itself will reach a new level.
Do not smile constantly or at the wrong time. In other cases, your sincere smile will make you a more attractive and charismatic personality.
And although it’s great to have a lot of energy, people who are too dramatic and causelessly impulsive can push other people away from themselves.
Therefore, learn to respond to most problems calmly, trying not to increase their scale to the level of universal tragedy.
Be yourself, don’t brag.
Do not try to impress people all the time. If you are confident, you do not need it at all.
Do not try to seem better than you really are, especially when your behavior is shown.
Be confident and satisfied with yourself.
Be satisfied with who you are, and even your shortcomings. People do not like other people with low self-esteem.
Learn to see in yourself the positive aspects, your sincere heart and your perfect nature. Let this be the story that you will tell yourself.
Step 5. Follow the steps above more often.
If you have made two friends in your circle of communication and settled on what has been achieved, it is unlikely that your social ties will continue to expand on their own.
After you constantly use new ways to meet people and attend various events, you will have a bunch of friends and acquaintances.
You do not have to have an infinite number of friends. Many people are completely happy, maintaining only a few very close friendships.
However, if the current state of affairs does not suit you, you know how to find friends.
You have to make an effort.
Your personal initiative is the most important principle in building friendships.
The big mistake is to be in a state of passive expectation and hope for a whiff of fate. Of course it’s great if this happens, but you should not rely heavily on this.
If you are wondering how to make friends, the first thing you will have to do is make enough effort to do this.
If you want to have fun on the weekend, do not think that everything will work out by itself. Contact your friends and decide to do something together, or find out what they will do and join them.
Finding friends is really easy.
If you do not have sufficient experience in making new contacts, this process may seem more complicated and lengthy to you than it actually is.
Often all you have to do to make friends is meet people and spend some time with them.
You do not need to know them for several months before you become friends.
Of course, if you just met someone, at first your relationship will be somewhat superficial, but not so much time will pass, and you can safely consider yourself friends.
Don’t be too picky at the very beginning.
If you are single, your initial goal should be to create at least some kind of social life. Undoubtedly, avoid really negative and superfluous personalities for your fate.
But if you meet an interesting person who at first does not seem like an ideal candidate for the role of a true friend, give him a chance. The benefits of communication, unlike loneliness, should outweigh the fact of non-ideality.
In addition, if you are just starting to shape your social circle, you probably do not fully realize what you want to see in other people.
If you more or less get along with someone, establish a closer relationship with them, and only later decide if you should become friends.
Even if at the very beginning a new company led your mind into a dead end of bewilderment, over time everything can change.
Lonely people tend to be more negative about others. And if you notice in yourself a similar attitude towards others, it is important for you to make efforts to consciously change your behavior.
Sometimes you join a company or meet friends of your friend and hope to meet a large number of wonderful new people.
But once in a new society, you begin to feel at ease. It may seem to you that you are unable to establish communication with someone, or as if you are being ignored.
Make a few more attempts, make a few more meetings, because at the first acquaintance there are natural social restrictions and some enslavement. Over time, the warmth of friendly relations will warm the ice of misunderstanding at the first stage of communication.
If someone refuses your offer because he is busy, don’t worry. Please try again another time.
Do not conclude that you are being neglected. The very fact of the initiative shown will work for you in the future, when your friend may need a company.
When you meet new acquaintances, you must really realize your importance in their lives, and you should consider that you cannot become friends in the blink of an eye.
They probably already have their own social circle, and their world will not end unless you become part of this environment.
Therefore, be neutral about their behavior and the reaction to the proposal to spend time together, because people can really be busy.
Just keep meeting other people and expand your social connections.
Often you can quickly adjust your social life, for example, if you just moved to a new city to go to university, or you joined a football team. In other cases, it will take longer to find friends.
It will take some time to find the right people for you. After this, it may take several months before you feel that you have a friend.
But do not forget that friendship is part of interpersonal relationships that are not always amenable to rules and logic, so go to your goal, but do not discount spontaneity.
In conclusion about friendship.
- Improving mood.
Free time spent with happy and positive friends helps to improve your mood and even appearance.
Assistance in achieving goals.
Encouraging your ideas from friends helps increase your willpower and increase your chances of success.
Reducing the likelihood of stress and depression.
Having an active social life strengthens your immune system and, eliminating isolation from the outside world, eliminates depression factors.
- Support during difficult times.
Friends can help you deal with a serious illness, loss of work or parting with a loved one, as well as any other life problems, especially if you just need to share your feelings with someone.
- Improving self-esteem.
Feeling your friends need you increases your self-esteem and adds meaningfulness to your life.
To understand that a person is worthy of your friendship, ask yourself questions.
- Do I feel better having time with this person?
- Do I want to share my thoughts with him?
- In his company, do I feel safe, free and relaxed, or do I feel that I need to monitor my words and actions?
- Does he support me and respect me?
- Can I trust him?
To find out that a person has an interest in friendship with you, ask yourself.
- Does he ask you questions about you as if he would like to know you better?
- Does he tell you about himself besides conducting superficial conversations?
- Does he give you all his attention when you see him?
- Was he interested in exchanging contact information or making plans for joint leisure or collaboration?