How to protect yourself from rudeness. 7 simple rules ”- this is the name of the book by Vladina Petrova, the author of many materials on practical psychology. In the book, the author lists the techniques and techniques that help in confronting aggressors in communication, because, unfortunately, we are met with rudeness and destructive behavior regularly. The author claims that after getting to know her system, the stress from meeting with aggressors in your life will be much less. So what to do to protect yourself from rudeness?
The system proposed by Vladata Petrova is mainly focused on counteracting the content of the aggressor’s attack, and not on the very fact of interference in your life. That is how the author explains the success of his system.
The system is designed to maintain the peace of mind of the person using it and is based on two principles:
- Practicing several universal tricks to automatism, eliminating the need to be nervous, looking for a suitable answer.
- The transfer of attention from your personality to the identity of the attacker.
In his book, the author does not make a clear distinction between the rules, but sequentially lists the techniques that, by common features, can be combined into several groups. Therefore, we, too, will not make divisions, but list the main provisions of the proposed system.
Making fun of the aggressor for appropriating the role of a judge
Vladinat Petrova proposes to indicate to the aggressor that he has no right to judge you. Usually the aggressor does not correspond to the role that it assumes.
Put up the fence
Indicate the boundaries of your personal space. Do not let the aggressor step over this line. Phrases like: “Thank you, but you don’t need to worry,” “We can figure it out ourselves,” etc. will help. But avoid the phrase “none of your business”, as she sounds pretty rude.
“You’re not so brave with everyone!”
If the aggressor allows himself destructive behavior towards only some people, notice it to him. There are always people to whom he would be afraid to say the same thing. Say this to the aggressor, and he will at least be embarrassed.
Put a mirror
“Do you know how you look from the outside?” – this phrase can help you in the fight against rudeness, according to Vladinata Petrova. You can also use the Erickson method: start talking “about someone,” whose behavior is very similar to the behavior of your aggressor at the moment.
Call Invisible Witnesses
“How would you behave if you were here …?” A striking example of the work of this method is children who quickly calm down when they are promised to tell their parents about their behavior.
Don’t talk about yourself
If you start talking about yourself, the aggressor will have the opportunity to use this as a basis for his jokes and taunts. If you don’t say anything about yourself, there’s nothing to joke about. Talk about the aggressor or people in general, generalized.
Hint at aggressor inadequacy
People with a healthy psyche and normal self-esteem will not be rude for no reason. Do not tell the aggressor directly that he is not behaving appropriately – this will only ignite the conflict. But a neat hint is worth it. Maybe he really is too nervous or nervous, but he can pack up when he understands this.
“What you ascribe to me is only in your imagination”
Repeat the reproach expressed to you and confidently report that this is only a figment of the aggressor’s imagination and these words have nothing to do with reality.
“What makes you …?”
Ask the aggressor what makes him lead in this way and not otherwise? This will confuse him. Most likely, he will immediately stop his attacks.
Describe your annoying actions
You can neutralize many boorish antics if you simply describe them in words. Thus, you will directly indicate to the person what seems unacceptable to you.
Keep your distance
“The ability to keep your distance lies largely in the ability not to pronounce certain words or not to perform the actions that are required of you if they are humiliating for you,” – says Vladata herself.
“Are you always like that or only on Sundays?”
By asking such a question, you disarm the aggressor and give him a reason to think. Further, everything is simple – observe the unconvincing attempts of the opponent to get out.
And one more thing: do not succumb to provocations to maintain a conversation in elevated tones, because this is exactly what the aggressor seeks. Do not waste your energy on such things. And try in the process of communication to use softer techniques, never mimic a person and do not blame him for what you can not prove, otherwise you yourself may find yourself in an unenviable position.
Now you can resist the aggressor and protect yourself from verbal attack. But, of course, situations, where the voiced methods are not suitable, are not ruled out. To learn how to masterfully eliminate any misunderstandings, take our course ” Conflict Management “. We are sure that from it you can take a lot of useful things for yourself.
We wish you success and good relations with others!