Funny Marriage Quotes – Marriage Jokes

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Are you getting married soon? Or are you planning to get married in the near future? Either way, there’s going to be a lot of things that will make you laugh and enjoy the lightheartedness of this momentous occasion. Here is a list of some funny marriage quotes that might just bring a smile to your face if not cause an outright belly-laugh!

#1. “Marriage is when two people who can’t live with or without each other decide it’s better to live together.” – Anonymous

#2. “Love is blind; but marriage restores its sight.” – Samuel Butler.

#3. “I love being married because I love waking up next to my wife every morning.

Funny Marriage Quotes:

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit. -Billy Connolly

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers. -Richard Pryor

Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.-Will Ferrell

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.-Evelyn Hendrickson

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.-Albert Einstein

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. -Oscar Wilde

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. -G. K. Chesterton

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. -Helen Rowland

The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.

True love is spending one day getting married and the rest of your life feeling glad you did.

Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the…

A happy marriage is about three things: memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes…

Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock! -Zeenat Essa

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. -Doug Larson

Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops. -Riaz Naturally

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. -Oscar Wilde

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit. -Billy Connolly

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. -Prince Philip

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. -Ann Bancroft

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong – admit…

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how…

Better than I was, more than I am. And all of this happened, by taking your hand.

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not…

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.-Michel de Montaigne

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.-Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death does them join. -Elbert Hubbard

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. -Raymond Hull

The only mistake for which people are congratulated is marriage. -Ratna Deep

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. -Benjamin Franklin

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad. -Helen Rowland

Also Read: Marriage Quotes

Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates. -Rory Elder

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -Henry Youngman

Marriage is getting to have a sleep over with your best friend, every single night of the week. -Christie Cook

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them. -Ogden Nash

I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff. -Wendy Liebman

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day. -Mickey Rooney

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day. -Mickey Rooney

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. ― Oscar Wilde

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. ― Rodney Dangerfield

Read: Anniversary Quotes

Marriage, n: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. ― Ambrose Bierce

There are two tests for a happy marriage: wealth and poverty.

A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

Marriage – betting someone half your shit that you’ll love them forever.

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were…

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. ― Socrates

Read More: Wedding Quotes

Marriage is an institution in which two people who love each other become one, and yet the whole of it depends on a single moment. Funny Marriage Quotes. So if you need a little laughter in your life, head over today and enjoy the laughs!